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September 04 2012

We live together now. This is so different then just a year ago. 

May 04 2012

I'll be home in less than a week. We've nearly made it. 

October 24 2011

I just want to be home. 

I couldn't imagine the thought of losing you. I tell everyone here I see myself marrying you.

October 04 2011

I'd say things are going pretty well.

August 21 2011

I think I may retire this and just let it disappear. Our tumblr took over.
We we have been separate for 5 days already. It's been miserably difficult. I've cried a whole lot of tears.

Thank you for being so lovely to me. You get me through so much. You're beautiful and I can't wait to snuggle my face into yours... well that's weird. Love you always and forever.

August 06 2011

Our relationship isn't perfect, but I don't know what is. I just want to spend my last days.

July 25 2011

We went to the beach yesterday with friends and all ended well. I love you Cameron.

July 22 2011

We've been better about fighting lately. Things are finally working out. 

Until last night. Cameron unleashed all this anger he has had for three days and expected me to just know. He doesn't feel comfortable telling me his feelings and he won't dare cry in front of me. I feel worthless for it.

July 11 2011

I was away for a week and you drank twice. Once, you passed out drunk on the bathroom floor at the girls house that I told you not to go to. I cried when I saw the picture.

We fought about it for so long. And at camp, I found God and I accepted God. I think I tried too hard to push him into our relationship. Cameron didn't come to dinner with my family, but he came over later that night. He told me he wasn't going to drink anymore. He said it isn't constructive. He is only doing it for me. It was this or he chooses it over our relationship. He complains to his friends that he's not allowed to drink anymore. He texts those girls all the time. He complains that God almost broke up our relationship. He wants me to go through college so I can understand. 

He needs to step back and see the issue. After two years of being in love with your best friend, you'd do anything to not hurt them. But he keeps hurting me, knowingly. And he apologizes for it immediately after. How can you love me when you're getting drunk and disrespecting what I asked of you.

Sorry I am demanding and that you'd rather choose alcohol over me. 

July 01 2011

Good days. I'm leaving for a week, you shall be missed. 

That sounds like someone died... they didn't.
Don't worry.

June 22 2011

You told me I don't make sacrifices for this relationship. Pff.

June 12 2011

You really bummed me out last night. It's unfair to get mad, but I feel disrespected. 

June 10 2011


Our shit has been solved.

June 09 2011

We can hardly go a day without fighting, but these last two have been better. Hopefully we are getting back to the place we had been.

June 04 2011

You told her, of all people, that I won't leave you alone. That the past 36 hours have been too much for you. 

Do you remember when we used to try to set records? Why do you want to burn them down?

May 28 2011


But I'll suck up my pride.

Because you don't like hearing me complain. 
Go to your parties. I just don't want to hear about them.
Your best friend questioned your drinking yesterday, he said it was surprising him too. 

People do notice, it isn't just me. You have changed.

May 17 2011

The calm before the storm. 

I'm almost speechless, but I need to get words out. You told me one of the best things in a woman's life, today. You want to spend the rest of your life with me. That in itself, is enough to hear. And that I am the only person you have ever loved and that I am the one you will always love. And I believe every vowel and syllable you speak. I know the feeling because it is my own. 

The part that struck me hardest was the beginning. I, instinctively, protect myself. No one wants to be broken and no one wants to be hurt. We build walls for that reason. And when you love someone, you lose that foundation. You trust your other exactly as you trust yourself. So here are the options, I could have told you how much I loved you or I could have questioned your intentions during the evening. I chose the latter and that began this. I simply could not ignore what happened. You didn't cheat, you didn't harm me, you didn't mean to hurt my feelings.

Saturday was one of the lowest nights for me. I sat at work hoping to have a good time with some friends, but I ended up getting kicked out. I rode the shuttle, alone. I laid in bed wishing I could be with you. Wishing I had been invited. Wishing I had best friends here. You are able to come home after months of being gone, and have too many things to do. Yet, I have tried so hard all year to make friendships with people who don't give a shit about me. It's always the nice person that people forget about. And so mind you, I am laying in bed on a Saturday night, knowing you are getting drunk with Lord knows who. And to hear about it the next morning? No thank you. 

I appreciate you telling me. I honest to God do. You told me before that I would hate you for it and that I would cry. After, you said the words, "I'm done." You gave up on our relationship. You weren't willing to fix it at that point. That hurt. I see where I went wrong in missing to acknowledge the most significant part of the story. I also see a mistake on your part, something you won't see. You won't see it from my side either. So it's pointless to fight about. I just wish you could see when you're hurting me. For you to tell me that I need to look at the bright side and that I need to look past the rest, means you saw a glimmer of doubt in your situation. You know you maybe shouldn't have done that. Just maybe. You can say sorry if you think it's right. You don't have to be the tough guy all the damn time. We both have shit to work on. Our relationship needs it. 

Oddly, I am calm. I know that it will be resolved. 
Maybe then, I will show you this. You'd understand that I am willing to spend the rest of my life with you, too. To the moon and back, I promise to love you. 
I just hate that you don't see when you've hurt me. 

Other than that, I have nothing to say. You know exactly how I feel.  And the same goes for you. 
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